Dear Reader,
I can’t tell you how many times a client has reached out to me, either someone new or someone I have worked with before, and shared that they were scammed, ripped off, had a bad experience or an experience that fell very short from what was advertised on a providers ad and every time I feel empathy towards the client and frustration at the situation because in no way is this behavior acceptable.
Granted, there are always 3 sides to a story, “his”, “hers” and the truth, and most of the time I only hear “his” side of the story because I have an open line of communication with the client and not the provider.
I write this in hopes that it will reach the people who need it and at the right time, because I genuinely care about my clients and people who are seeking healing through connection and touch, and for the most part have had positive experiences with clients who find me and this is my little thank you in return for being kind, respectful, generous, and loving to me.
In this prevalent epidemic of loneliness we’re all looking to remember what it feels like to connect, to touch, to be touched, to be felt, to feel, to be seen and witnessed, to be desired, to be looked at by another in ways that words cannot fully express and that deep longing can sometimes make us vulnerable to people who are looking for the quick buck instead of truly offering their loving presence. Instead of allowing that vulnerability to get the best of you while not shutting it down because it’s one of the things that makes us beautifully human and gives us depth, consider the following:
Boundaries. They don’t sound like fun to everyone but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from clients that they actually love that I am clear with my boundaries because the container that we meet in is clear, and I love communicating them before a session is booked so that both myself and the client know that we are on the same page with expectations. This way, if my boundaries do not work for the client they can get their needs met elsewhere and I am in full support of that. Each provider will have their own boundaries even if they sessions are titled the same way with someone you’ve seen before. If you want to meet and connect with a provider a non-negotiable is getting crystal clear about the boundaries before you send a deposit. This happens at different stages of the screening and booking process with each provider, nonetheless, ask. If there is something you definitely want to experience, ask respectfully and clearly, nothing that can be misconstrued or misunderstood. Clear boundaries allow everyone to have a good experience, and isn’t that what we all want?
Deposits. These are typical in the industry and communicate that you are serious about showing up for your session, it can also help the provider cover overhead costs especially when they are visiting the city you are in. 20% is the norm and reasonable, however varies with each provider. Now, here’s what you can do if you are worried about the provider disappearing with your deposit: ask for something in return such as an address nearby the incall, this communicates that she is not going to “run off” with the deposit. Of course, this is not a guarantee but it’s something in exchange for the deposit you sent. And always message the provider that a deposit was sent, even sending a screenshot can be helpful, sometimes technology doesn’t always work in everyones favor.
Time/Duration. Another comment I have heard countless times was feeling rushed during the session. Each provider handles time differently, sometimes a chat at the start of the session is part of the session and sometimes not. If it’s not clear what the start time and end time of the session is, ask. If it’s not clear that shower is part of the session time, ask. If you want an experience where it feels like time doesn’t exist and the provider isn’t “watching the clock” mention that. Something as simple as “I really value being able to drop into the session with you and not feel rushed, does the date and time we have agreed to allow for a relaxed and enjoyable session? Or will there be time pressure during the session because you have something else to do afterwards?”
Reviews. Read reviews, they are there for a reason, and if reviews don’t exist, there’s probably a reason for that and it’s not usually a good one, and no I do not mean because a provider is keeping anonymity of clients, initials or alias can be used. When I receive a review or a message after a session about how the time spent with me impacted or touched them deeply it means the world to me, even ones I get years later I haven’t seen a client, and yes it’s happened a few times. Everyone’s experience with the same provider will be different, this is a given, sometimes there’s overlap but for the most part there will still be differences. Chemistry and connection is never identical. If you want to ensure you’re getting some kind of experience being advertised by the provider, reviews will provide some insight as to what others have experienced, and therefore what you are likely to experience.
These are just a few suggestions I’m passing along to you from the perspective of a provider in hopes that more clients will have better experiences in this industry. I’d love to hear your comments below.
If you have requests for other topics you’d like to read about from me and my perspective I’d love to hear from you via my contact link on my website.
Warmly,
Eva